When You’re Already Overwhelmed: How DBT Mindfulness Can Help You Pause Before You React

Have you ever had those moments when you’re already feeling a bit on edge, and then someone says or does something that just pushes you right over?

Maybe you snap at your partner because you were finally sitting down after a long day and got interrupted, or your child asks one more question when you’re trying to finish something.

You react in a way that feels disporportionate, or just not like you. Then you feel guilt, shame, and regret. You wish you could take it back because that’s not who you want to be.

It’s such a common reaction when we’re feeling overwhelmed.

We’ve all heard of mindfulness, and I think sometimes it’s easy to dismiss it as just another wellness trend that’s everywhere and feels a little woo-woo. But mindfulness in DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy) is incredibly practical (and I love practical).

It’s all about observing and noticing what’s happening as it’s happening.

Can you feel your shoulders tightening, your jaw clenching, or your frustration building as you’re interrupted or asked to do one more thing?

You react in a way you don’t like, raising your voice, interrupting or overreacting.

The goal of mindfulness in DBT isn’t to stop you from feeling angry or frustrated. It’s for you to notice those thoughts, emotions, physical sensations, and urges without acting on them right away.

When you practice this over time, these moments of awareness can create a little space to take some deep breaths. Maybe you can ask for a few minutes of quiet before someone needs you, or just step away from a minute.

And like any skill, from learning to ride a bike to centering clay on a pottery wheel, mindfulness takes a lot of practice. It’s not easy, and we won’t get it right every time. But with repetition, it can help us respond in ways that align more closely with the kind of person we want to be.

DBT skills can be helpful for many things, but they’re especially effective when it comes to emotion regulation.

Over the next little while, I’ll be sharing more about DBT and some of the practical skills that can help you navigate life’s difficult moments. I hope you’ll follow along.